Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Senior Superlatives

As school children across the country are brushing up on a semester's-worth of learning for upcoming exams, and picking out what will soon be embarrassingly forgetful duds for the prom, GMT takes a look at high school yearbook shots that somehow seemed like a good idea to put on baseball cards.

Most Likely to Sell Fake Gold Chains to Brian Barber

Shawn Livsey
Shortstop, Houston Astros
1992 Topps #124

Topps Fact: Shawn possesses 6.6. speed in the 60-yard dash.
GMT Fact: Shawn didn't appreciate the nickname the "6-Second Man."

Most Likely to Mow Your Lawn After a Game

Brian Barber
Pitcher, St. Louis Cardinals
1992 Topps #594

Topps Fact: Brian was winner of the 1991 Gatorade National Player of the Year Award at Dr. Phillips (Orlando) High School.
GMT Fact: In pre-draft questionnaire, listed heroes as Rick Derris and Jason Pruitt.

Most Likely to Bang Brian Barber's Girlfriend While He's Mowing Lawns

Jason Pruitt
Picther, Kansas City Royals
1992 Topps #246

Topps Fact: Last season his highest strikeout total in a game was 19 in a 7-inning contest.
GMT: Always pressured Barber's girlfriend into anal. Never strikes out.

Most Likely to Rob Fake Gold Chains From Brian Barber While He's Mowing Lawns

Greg Anthony
Pitcher, San Diego Padres
1992 Topps #336

Topps Fact:He hit 9 Home Runs during career with 23 Doubles, 7 Triples and 76 RBI.
GMT Fact: Greg Anthony was arrested prior to graduation for petty theft and forced to obtain his GED in the county pen. Note the razor wire in his "graduation" picture just before release.

ESPN and Yahoo! hired him to provide NBA commentary.


meech.one said...

Wasn't Jason Pruitt the name of the guitar-playing character that sold pumpkins and dated Donna Martin in 90210?

I think it was.

Ariel said...

Sorry, babe. It's Ray Pruitt.

You come strong, or don't come at all.

Chris Illuminati said...

That's what Donna Martin said

Ariel said...

Nah, she was on the v-team. F'ing tease. That's why Ray started smackin her around.

Chris Illuminati said...

That's why the song was called 'How do you talk to an angel'..Ray wanted Donna to know how after he beat her to death....

meech.one said...

I remember when he banged the pot-smoking version of Kelly Kapowski, doe. Those sideburns were irresistable,!

What do you tell a Donna Martin with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, Ray Pruit already told her twice.

Ariel said...

Valerie.... she was the 90210 bike... everyone got a ride.


Ethanator1088 said...

I was freeked out when I was 12 years old looking at these cards. ( my first complete set by the way )

This set also had draft cards of Manny being Manny and Cliff Floyd being a young promising Ciff Floyd. Both of those things got old. :-)