Kids, Don't Get Too Close

Rick Waits
Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers
1986 Topps #614

Topps Fact: His 1st major league One-Hitter: 4-7-79
GMT Fact: Rick Waits...and stares...and touches himself inappropriately.

For Pete's Sake, Kurt

You can't take the lipper out for three seconds to snap a damn picture?

Kurt Kepshire
Pitcher, St. Louis Cardinals
1986 Topps #256

Topps Fact: He earned his 1st major league Win: 7-4-84.
GMT Fact: His girlfriend threatened to leave him because he dipped. He called her bluff.

You Know It's You Babe

Throughout the 80's, Twins pitcher John "JB" Butcher moonlighted as a guitarist for the band Styx under the stage name James "JY" Young. He can be found today on the Indian casino/state fair circuit with members of REO Speedwagon and Journey.

John Butcher
Pitcher, Minnesota Twins
1986 Topps #638

Topps Fact: Earned his 1st major league Win: 9-8-80.
GMT Fact: To this day, still considered among the ugliest players in Twins history.

Macho Man

Here's a name Tribe fans can remember and laugh at...

Ernie "Macho" Camacho
Pitcher, Cleveland Indians
1986 Topps #509
1987 Topps #353
1987 Donruss #350


jdbaseball at MLBlog's "The Game" retells some Camacho tales from a 1995 Sporting News article by Sheldon Ocker:

Mesa is the most effective relief pitcher the Indians have had, but he is not the most memorable in my 15 seasons covering, the team. That distinction belongs to Ernie Camacho, who saved games for the Indians from 1983 through '87.

Click here to read his bizarre, and anything but macho, escapades.

Re-Airbrush Reid's Cap

While I didn't doctor this card, it looks like someone doctored Reid's cap...and his face for that matter. Perhaps it was an airbrush artist on the Seaside Heights, NJ boardwalk.

Reid doesn't really play for the Sox. This was his Trentonian Softball Player of the Night photo.


There are much better airburshed hats he cold have spent his money on. Personally, I'd have gone with "Booty Hunter."

Reid Nichols
Outfielder, Chicago White Sox
1986 Topps #364

Topps Fact: Born: 8-5-58, Ocala, Fla.
GMT Fact: Reid's eyes are made of Italian marble.

Viper: KC's Top Gun

Pat Sheridan
Outfielder, Kansas City Royals
1986 Topps #743

Topps Fact: Pat's first TOPPS cards was: 1984 #121.
GMT Fact: Pat flew with your old man. VF-51, the Oriskany. You're a lot like he was. Only better... and worse. He was a natural heroic son of a bitch that one.

Why Get Lasik When You Can Rock These?

Alan Knicely
Catcher, Philadelphia Phillies
1986 Topps #418

Topps Fact: He collected 1st major league Hit: 9-17-81.
GMT Fact: Also collects robots. Lost a bet with Dave Collins over who could rock bigger specs. Had to grow a Billy Crystal beard.

Dave Collins
Outfielder, Detroit Tigers
1987 Donruss #215

Donruss Fact: Ranked 2nd on Tigers in stolen bases last year.
GMT Fact: Once bullied Ricky Henderson into racing him in his underwear. To add insult to injury (because that's the kind of guy Dave was), he had a photog on hand to document the entire thing.


Rickey Hendersdon
Left Fielder, Oakland Athletics
1991 Score Dream Team #890 (DT 10 of 13)

Score Fact: Rickey infuriates, distracts and disrupts an opponent better than anyone in the game.
GMT Fact: Rickey butchers, flubs and massacres the English language more than anyone on the planet.

Reader Participation: Pen Pals

Each of these talented ballplayers wrote "How-To..." books, hence their insistence on being immortalized on cardboard with a pen in their hand.

What was the title of each of their books?


Barry Jones
Pitcher, Pittsburgh Pirates
1987 Topps #494

Topps Fact: He attended Indiana University, Bloomington, Ind.
GMT Fact: So, to answer your question, no, he is not as stupid as he looks.

John Butcher
Pitcher, Minnesota Twins
1985 Topps #741

Topps Fact: Attended Yavapai College, Prescott, Arizona.
GMT Fact: Despite the tough sounding name, Butcher is actually a pacifist and refused to participate in any strap matches at Yavapai.

Tony Phillips
Shortstop-Second Baseman, Oakland Athletics
1986 Topps #29.

Topps Fact: First major league Home Run: 4-16-83.
GMT Fact: Lead all AL rookies in Grab-Assing in 1982.

You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

Geoff Zahn
Pitcher, California Angels
1986 Topps #42

Topps Fact: Born: 12-19-45, Baltimore, MD.
GMT Fact: Crisco, Bardol, Vagisil. Any one of them would give Zahn another two to three inches drop on his curve ball. Of course if the umps were watching him real close, he'd rub a little jalapeño up his nose, get it runnin', and if he needed to load the ball up he just...wiped his nose.

Da Bomb

Steve Yeager
Catcher, Los Angeles Dodgers
1986 Topps #32

Topps Fact: Acq: Via Draft
GMT Fact: Steve's hard partying ways were notorious around and about SoCal. By fathering dozens of illegitimate children, most of which conceived during late-night benders with Blue-Bleeding groupies, his legacy lives on. One such bastard son honors his father nightly with rounds of Yeager Baaaaaams and dry humping on the dance floor.

NSFW

Pretty Boys

Tim Leary
Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers
1987 Topps #32

Topps Fact: Tim pitched for US Team which finished 2nd in World Cup Tournamnet in Bologna, Italy, 1978.
GMT Fact: Actual Conversation...

Leary: Ok, Ladies, which of you will be lucky enough to go home with Tim Leary tonight?
Ladies: Who the f*ck is Tim Leary?
Leary: I played Jake Ryan.
Ladies: Niiiiccee.


Worked every time.

Randy Ready
Third Baseman-Outfielder, Milwaukee Brewers
1986 Topps #209

Topps Fact: He collected 1st major league Hit: 9-12-83.
GMT Fact: Seeing what luck teammate Tim Leary had posing as Jake Ryan, Ready tried to convince ladies that he was Long Duk Dong. When that didn't work, he grew a mustache and hit up a few gay bars.


Zane Smith
Pitcher, Atlanta Braves
1987 Donruss #167

Donruss Fact: Ranked 3rd on the Braves in wins and 2nd in strikeouts last year.
GMT Fact: Punched in the face by Ken Oberkfell for calling him "dude" despite numerous requests by Ken for him to "cut that sh*t out." Oberkfell had no tolerance for people from Wisconsin posing as stoner surfers.


Jim Slaton
Pitcher, California Angels
1986 Topps #579

Topps Fact: Born 6-19-50, Long Beach, Calif.
GMT Fact: Slaton now coaches Little League and was convinced by players' mothers that he could make a killing as a Chippendale on the side, despite pushing 60. They were right.

Rock Out With Your Jocks Out

The Lizard King...

Jim Morrison
Second & Third Baseman, Chicago White Sox
1981 Topps #323

Topps Fact: Jim led White Sox in Hits & Doubles in 1980.
GMT Fact: Known for his fondness for "snowballing," sophmoric teammate Britt Burns referred to him as the "Blizzard King."

The New Edition...


Bobby Brown
Outfielder, San Diego Padres

Topps Fact: He made his World Series debut
GMT Fact: Is only half the man Ralph Tresvant is. Often joked with teammates about "Choking the Famous Chicken."

Fear and Loathing in Pittsburgh

When popular submarine-sidearm (though mediocre) Pirate pitcher Kent Tekulve was traded to the Phillies in April of 1985, many of Pittsburgh's faithful were up-in-arms that their ridiculous looking starter/mascot was so easily disposed of. Sure, he was an average pitcher. But he was their average pitcher for the past 12 seasons.

In an effort to placate the growing hostility at Three Rivers, Pittsburgh brass thought they could simply find another player to wear prescription Blue Blocker aviator glasses and the trademark stovepipe cap.

Three months later, in August of '85, they traded for Mike Brown. A younger, fresher swashbuckler that the Pirates front office was sure would make their fans forget all about Tekulve and his comical delivery.


Things started off on the right foot. After coming over from the Angels in '85, Brown hit .332 for the Buccos with 33 RBI in 57 games. It was all downhill from there.

The following year each time Brown came to bat he was greeted by chants of "Kent-Te-Kul-Ve (dunt-dunt-dunt-dunt-da)."

It took its toll on young Mike. The following season he hit a paltry .218. By 1989, at the ripe young age of 28 he was out of the Bigs.

Lesson learned. There's only one Kent Tekulve.

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Kent Tekulve
Pitcher, Philadelphia Phillies
1986 Topps # 326

Topps Fact: He earned his 1st major league Win 5-27-74.
GMT Fact: The Phillie Phanatic was more afraid of Kent Tekulve than he was a coked up Lonnie Smith. No one ever knew why. He was actually a nice guy. Regardless, Tekulve was the one player the Phantic dared not f*ck with.

Mike Brown
Outfielder, Pittsburgh Pirates
1986 Topps # 114

Topps Fact: First major league Home Run: 7-22-83
GMT Fact: Lack of hitting in '86 was later attributed to the fact that Pirates' ownership insisted on Brown wearing prescription lens (despite the fact that he otherwise had perfect 20/20 vision). He simply couldn't see straight.

Fan Friday

Fans have sent over several of their favorite cards that they'd like to include on the site. Each Friday, we'll post some of them here.

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Many folks expressed disappointed that while we noted the resemblence of Craig McMurty to Kip Dynamite, that we failed to acknowledge John Candalaria to Pedro.

Well, we didn't not notice it. We just hadn't gotten to it yet.

Here you go, jackels. Vote for Juan (John).


John Candalaria
Pitcher, California Angels
1987 Donruss #551

Donruss Fact: Led Angels' in ERA in '86
GMT Fact: Well, he had a sweet bike. And he's really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus he's like the only guy at school who had a mustache.

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Reader Adam A. recommend...

• 1987 Topps Ben Ogilvie (Top Right)
  
• 1986 Topps UL Washington
• Any Billy Jo Robidoux card available.

GMT Sidenote: Remember the outrage of "Useless" Washington having the audacity to play with a toothpick in his mouth? WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS!?

One argument was that if a ball hit it, it could lodge in his throat and he could choke. What went unmentioned was the fact that he would also likely end up toothless if a ball hit him in the mouth.

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This is my rifle, this is my gun...

Mark in York, PA recommends...

The first card is a 1989 Score Paul Gibson # 595A. In the background is the SS adjusting his cup! I am almost positive they made a corrected version (# 595B) with a white square covering up the offending hand and crotch. Here's a pic (not my website).

GMT: Whether you remember this card or not, click that link and laugh your ass off.

The SS is Luis Salazar -- there is no mistaking the moustache! I'll check my stash to see if I still have both versions if you think they are blogworthy.

The second card is a 1982 Topps Steve Carlton (card #1 - "Highlights"). "Lefty's" arm seems to have LEFT him!

GMT: While we would in no way consider Lefty a "common man," I'm including it because it always gave me nightmares.

Keep them coming!!!

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Special thanks to all those who linked our new site including...

• The Thrid I
• SI's Hot Clicks
• Yahoo!'s Big League Stew
• Jim Baughbach at Newsday's Final Score
• 3 Idiots on Sports

Apologies if I missed anyone. Email if I did.

This Has to Be An Error Card

No way in hell did this guy ever play pro ball.

Alan Wiggins and LaMarr Hoytt picked him up South of the border after an all night bender in the Cactus League.

That's why he's laughing.

Boche is actually off to Mario's right telling him how to "look like a ballplayer."

Mario Ramirez
Shortstop, San Diego Padres
1986 Topps #262

Topps Fact (More evidence he wasn't a ball player - he has no "fact." Rather they tell us about Gaylord Perry): The oldest pitcher in Padres history was Gaylord Perry, 40 years, 11 months, 18 days old when he faced Giants 9-3-79.
GMT: Participated in a season-long contest with "teammate" Steve Garvey to see who could pull more tail. Won by 7.