Stop Me If You've Heard This One...

A Bush, A Dick, A Colin and An A-Hole walk into a war...


President George H.W. Bush
Commander in Cheif, United States of America
1991 Topps Desert Storm - 3rd Series #177



Secretary Dick Cheney
Secretary of Defense, United States of America
1991 Topps Desert Storm - 3rd Series #179

General Colin Powell
Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff
1991 Topps Desert Storm #2

Saddam Hussein
Dictatorial President, Iraq
1991 Topps Desert Storm - 3rd Series #189

Jerry Reed, Madball

Jerry Reed
Pitcher, Seattle Mariners
1990 Dunruss #614

Donruss Fact: 2nd on Mariners in appearances in '88 and 3rd in '89.
GMT Fact: Was immortalized as the iconic 80's Madball "Screamin' Meemie."

Before They Were Stars

I came across a goldmine of unintentional comedy when I recently inherited a 1980 Philadelphia Phillies yearbook.

I'll be periodically scanning things in and posting both here and at HHR.

Before they were big league juicers and heart breakers, Bret and Aaron Boone appeared in the yearbook with their parents and younger brother, Matthew, whom they now affectionately refer to as the "Cooper Manning" of the family.

Damn, Lying Dominicans

Nice air cast.

Andres Santana
Shortstop, San Francisco Giants
1990 Bowman #230

Bowman Fact: He played at San Jose in 1989.
GMT Fact: Long before Miguel Tejada made headlines for blowing up during an ESPN interview over suspicious questions about his age, fellow Dominican shortstop Andres Santana was engaged in similar shenanigans. While his 1990 Bowman Card lists him as being born on 3-19-68, numerous baseball reference sites actually list him as being born 2-5-68. Regardless of his age, he sucked.

For All You Comic Book Nuts Out There...

This site is for you...

Kids, Don't Get Too Close

Rick Waits
Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers
1986 Topps #614

Topps Fact: His 1st major league One-Hitter: 4-7-79
GMT Fact: Rick Waits...and stares...and touches himself inappropriately.

For the Love of the Game

Ernie Whitt
Catcher, Atlanta Braves
1990 Bowman #16

Bowman Fact: Acq: Trade with Blue Jays, 12-18-89.
GMT Fact: Earned his acting chops as Kevin Costner's battery mate in the 1999 classic, For the Love of the Game.

For Pete's Sake, Kurt

You can't take the lipper out for three seconds to snap a damn picture?

Kurt Kepshire
Pitcher, St. Louis Cardinals
1986 Topps #256

Topps Fact: He earned his 1st major league Win: 7-4-84.
GMT Fact: His girlfriend threatened to leave him because he dipped. He called her bluff.

The Carpets Match the Drapes

Hey, it was the 70's.

Courtesy of reader Jay Dubs...


Oscar Gamble
Outfielder-Designated Hitter, Cleveland Indians
1975 Topps #213

Sixto Lezcano
Outfielder, Milwaukee Brewers
1977 Topps #185

Ross Grimsley
Pitcher, Cleveland Indians
1981 Topps #170

Alright Boys, Act Like Catchers

Whats more beautiful, the way in which they squat down and take pride in their position, or the sweet smell of spring training in the background?

Love how with the exception of Berryhill, none bothers to put on their equipment. Here's hoping they were sans cup and opened themselves up to a Vin di Bona smorgasbord.

Damon Berryhill
Catcher, Chicago Cubs
1990 Bowman #33

Bill Schroeder
Catcher, Milwaukee Brewers
1989 Topps # 563

Jim Sundberg
Catcher, Texas Rangers
1989 Topps #78

Jody Davis
Catcher, Chicago Cubs ("Now With Braves")
1989 Topps #115

Scott Bradley
Catcher, Seattle Mariners
1990 Bowman #483

Balls Out

On his 1991 Upper Deck card, Geno Petralli demonstrates the dual meaning of the phrase "Balls Out."


Geno Peralli
Catcher, Texas Rangers
1991 Upper Deck #492

You Know It's You Babe

Throughout the 80's, Twins pitcher John "JB" Butcher moonlighted as a guitarist for the band Styx under the stage name James "JY" Young. He can be found today on the Indian casino/state fair circuit with members of REO Speedwagon and Journey.

John Butcher
Pitcher, Minnesota Twins
1986 Topps #638

Topps Fact: Earned his 1st major league Win: 9-8-80.
GMT Fact: To this day, still considered among the ugliest players in Twins history.

It Was All a Dream. He Used to Read Word Up Magazine.

Frank White
Second Baseman, Kansas City Royals
1987 Topps #692

Topps Fact: ACQ: Free Agent, 7-2-70
GMT Fact: So popular in the black community in the 1970's & 80's was longtime Royals' second baseman Frank White, that Biggie Smalls aka Big Poppa aka The Notorious B.I.G. paid homage to him by adopting his name.

Totally Natural

Luis Gonzalez
1st Baseman, Houston Astros
1991 Fleer #507

Fleer Fact: Weight: 180
GMT Fact: Luis Gonzalez has never used PEDs and resents you insinuating that he has. He's still just the same skinny, ugly kid from Tampa that he's always been.

Hey There, Amigo

Tony Armas
Outfielder, California Angels
1989 Topps Big #99

Topps Fact: Tony comes from a family of '14 children.'
GMT Fact: Not sure why Topps felt the need to parenthesize '14 children,' but I digress.

This '89 Topps Big card was one of the few times Armas allowed himself to be photographed without his trusty donkey.

Create-A-Caption

Steve Bedrosian
Pitcher, Minnesota Twins
1992 Upper Deck #622

"Hey, Bedrock! I got some balls for you to shag!"

Sticks and Stones

Pete Ladd
Pitcher, Seattle Mariners
1987 Topps #572

Topps Fact: Pete is affectionately nicknamed "Big Foot."
GMT Fact: Beats his old nickname "ShitForBrains," but not by much.

Screw You, Giver of Life

Ken Phelps
First Baseman/Designated Hitter, Seattle Mariners
1988 Donruss #489

Donruss Fact: Ranked 3rd on Mariners in RBI last year despite platooning at DH.
GMT Fact: Kenny Phelps may get bested every once in a while when he faces a tough pitcher, but Michael's crazy uncle will NEVER let the sun get the best of him.

Fan Friday: Bless NESW's Bleeding Heart

Leave it up to a bleeding heart do-gooder to embarrass himself while waving the flag of "decency."

We like Ethan Jaynes. We do.

But his post at NESW Sports, "Gem Mint Ten has gone too far, Video," is laughably hypocritical.

In an attempt to raise the social consciousness of our GMT readers by preaching racial tolerance towards our brothers across our southern border, in response to yesterday's Angel Salazar post, Ethan preaches:

"Mexican Americans are much more than picking tomatoes. I am tired of the stereotypes. I could write down all of the OTHER things Mexican Americans do, but I will leave it to this video. I would like to personally thank Cheech and Chong for opening my mind to other ways of thinking, and I hope the folks and Gem Mint Ten watch the vid."

I guess to Ethan, all Hispanics are "Mexican" or better yet, "Mexican American."

See, had Ethan just ran a simple web search, he would know that Salazar is neither "Mexican" nor "Mexican American," but Venezuelan.

Proabably a Borderline Inappropriate Post

Angel Salazar
Shortstop, Kansas City Royals
1987 Donruss #624

Donruss Fact: Split the '84 season between Expos and their Indianapolis farm.
GMT Fact: Not surprisingly, proved to be one of the farm's top tomato pickers, but was sent back to Montreal when failing to show proper immigration papers to Indiana Department of Labor field inspectors.

His "papers" were said to have listed him as "Fred Weinstein from Bloomington."

Angel Eyes

Tim Flannery
Infielder, San Diego Padres
1988 Donruss #328

Donruss Fact: Enjoyed another fine season as Padres' No.1 utility infielder last year.
GMT Fact: 6' in shoes, blond haired and blue eyed, Tim was often referred to (mockingly) by teammates as "Hitler's Wet Dream."

GMT Bonus Fact: Tim hit .228 in 1987 with 0 HRs. Another fine season indeed.

The Jackson 6

While Michael, Marlon, Tito, Jermaine and Randy inherited Joe Jackson's musical talent and rhythm, young Ron inherited his father's facial hair and ability to swing a heavy piece of lumber.

Ron Jackson
First Baseman, Minnesota Twins
1981 Topps #631

Topps Fact: Led PCL 3rd basemen with 31 D.P.'s at Salt Lake City in 1975.
GMT Fact: The infamous sexually-charged road antics of the Jackson brothers, for instance Ron's D.P.'s, were said to have played a large role in traumatizing an impressionable Michael.

Lets Get Fitshaced

If you look closely at this card, Charlie Kerfeld, who looks like the derelict woodsman son of Wayne Newton, is sporting an awesome mullet and stud earring.

Charlie Kerfeld
Pitcher, Houston Astros
1988 Topps #608

Topps Fact: Was South Atlantic League Pitcher of the Year in 1983.
GMT Fact: He will never go down as one of the greatest pitchers in MLB history, but he gave one of the league's most unforgettable interviews.

El Polonia

Luis Polonia
Outfielder, California Angels
1992 Fleer Ultra #29

Fleer Ultra Fact: Born 10-12-64
GMT Fact: When not busy trying to bed underage girls, Polonia spent ample time doing his hair in a style he coined the "'El Polonia'...high and tight on the sides, El Dabarge on top."

Macho Man

Here's a name Tribe fans can remember and laugh at...

Ernie "Macho" Camacho
Pitcher, Cleveland Indians
1986 Topps #509
1987 Topps #353
1987 Donruss #350


jdbaseball at MLBlog's "The Game" retells some Camacho tales from a 1995 Sporting News article by Sheldon Ocker:

Mesa is the most effective relief pitcher the Indians have had, but he is not the most memorable in my 15 seasons covering, the team. That distinction belongs to Ernie Camacho, who saved games for the Indians from 1983 through '87.

Click here to read his bizarre, and anything but macho, escapades.

Letting His Soul Glow

Jose Bautista
Pitcher, Baltimore Orioles
1989 Bowman #3

Bowman Fact: Acq: Drafted from Mets 12-7-87
GMT Fact: The title role in the "Jose Bautista Story" was the only real noteworthy performance (besides The Color of Money) in the career of fat, cockeyed actor Forrest Whitaker.

The Ace of Spades

Hi. Johnnie's phone here. Johnnie's not going to answer. Because Johnnie's a dillweed.

John Wetteland
Musician, Montreal Expos
1992 Pinnacle #593

Pinnacle Fact: Music and baseball have been two constants for John, who plays the guitar, the saxophone and the clarinet.
GMT Fact: Yet, he can't seem to figure out the whammy bar on Guitar Hero.

Punch Out!

Ozzie Canseco
Designated Hitter-Outfielder, Oakland Athletics
1991 Topps #162

Topps Fact: Pitched in 52 games as a minor leaguer between 1983-85.
GMT Fact: Heard some Mexican news anchor was knocking Canseco boys on their asses for a paycheck and wants to know where he signs up.

Sid Bream Raised Arizona

Sid Bream
First Baseman, Atlanta Braves
1992 Pinnacle #446

Pinnacle Fact: Gimpy knees and all, Sid remains an offensive threat and a stabilizing force in the infield and in the clubhouse.
GMT Fact: Bream once gave Bobby Cox a "Roman war helmet" - his threatening and offensive behavior knew no bounds.

Da Meat is Off Da Hook!

Photographer: "Ok, Dmitri, for this shot just look like a silly bastard. Perfect."

Dmitri Young
Third Baseman, St. Louis Cardinals
1993 Upper Deck #428

Upper Deck Fact: "...scouts believe he can be a Terry Pendleton type when he fully develops."
GMT Fact: Translation: "Fat Third Baseman."

Simpler Times

I think this is a post that most Phillie fans in their late 20's-early 30's can appreciate.

I found this old program, and it flat-out made me smile.

First, it is from the magical 1993 season.

Second, it features autographs from Kyle Abbott and Ruben Amaro, Jr. - the two players the Phillies acquired when they rid themselves of the posterboy from the dreadful mid-to-late 80's teams, Von Hayes.

Third - I actually kept score. I can't remember the last time I did that.

Four, it was a victory over the division rival Braves, who threw John Smoltz that day.

And, finally, while he will tell you it really wasn't him who hit that homerun, Dutch Daulton had a round tripper that afternoon.

The Onion: A-Rod Channels His Inner Tommy Wheatley

A-Rod Checks Beckett Baseball Card Monthly To See If Rookie Card Went Up

Back on Topps

The Sklar brothers, creators of HHR favorite Cheap Seats (available cheap on iTunes), have a new web-only series coming out called Back on Topps, about...well you guessed it...Topps.

The Riverfront Times caught up with the twins this week to discuss the project. See this interview here.

H/T: Sports Collectors Daily

Punk Rock Scott

A few weeks back, I posted Scott Radinsky's 1992 Topps card and proceeded to have some fun at his expense.

After I did, commenters pointed out Scott other career ask a skatepunk singer.

I was able to get in touch with Radinsky, now Cleveland's Triple A Bisons' pitching coach in addition to being the lead singer of the band Pulley and owner a skatepark in Southern Cal.

Via email we talk a little about baseball and a lot about juggling his various passions.

See complete interview here.

Your Crap

Reader Jeff the Greek passed along two of his most cherished collectibles. The first is the Cory Snyder autographed rookie card. What makes this piece so special is not the card itself, but rather the totally legitimate looking certificate of authenticity that DOES NOT look like it was printed on the office laser jet.


The second is this Jeff Montgomery sig. On the surface it looks ordinary. However, it was encased in "hard plastic" with a sales sticker on it that read "35.00 EA".

The Greek will neither confirm nor deny paying 35 bones for this beaut.

Major Deer

Rob Deer has the distinction of not only being one of my least favorite players of the 80's, but also as having starred in one of my least favorite sitcoms of the 80's. Despite bashing 230 HR's in his career, including 20+ in 8 seasons, his finished his career a paltry .220 hitter with 1409 Ks (led league 4 times, runner-up twice).

Major Dad just sucked.

He did have a sweet stache, though.

Rob Deer
Outfielder, Milwaukee Brewers
1989 Bowman #146

Bowman Fact: (Listed as) 6'3"
GMT Fact (In heels)

Buddy Cop Dramady

Most cards we display here feature players who just look the part of the stereotypical 70-80s-early 90s ballplayer. George Fraizer, on the other hand, looks like an extra from the Barney Miller cast.



Someone call Fish.



George Fraizer
Pitcher, Minnesota Twins
1987 Topps #207

Topps Fact: George volunteered his time to work with the March of Dimes and the Special Olympics groups.
GMT Fact: Quit when they refused to let him compete.