Glenn Hoffman Works Hard for His Money

As evidenced by him sweating his nuts off in his spring training headshot pictured on his '83 Topps card.

Actually, he just dumped Gatorade on himself in hopes of making himself look "cool." Now he's all sticky.


Glenn Hoffman
Shortstop, Boston Red Sox
1983 Topps #108

Topps Fact: Capped 5-run 1st inning with 3-run home run in 5-4 win in Toronto.
GMT Fact: His younger brother Trevor was always a better ballplayer than Glenn. But Glenn was always considered the looker. Once called Red Sox Nation a bunch of "drunken Micks." Proceeded to get his ass kicked, despite being technically accurate in his assessment.

Fan Friday

phillyBurb's Illuminati ponders this dilemma:

"I have never purchased a pack of O-Pee-Chees in my life, nor have I ever bought the cards individually. Why then do I own any?"

Ah the O-Pee-Chee enigma. The French-Canadian bastard child of Topps (like Leaf was to Donruss).

It's like finding a Canadian penny. Where did this come from? Is it worth anything?

We'll never know the answers to these questions (blame Canada).

If I had to render a guess, though, it'd be they were stashed between two "good" cards which where on the front and back of a K-Mart cello pack. It's like having a wad of one dollar bills with a Benjamin' wrapped around it.

Here's what an '83 Topps Bench should look like (Image via Cardboard Junkie):

Now the bastard child (via Illuminati)...

Looks like the '83 Topps Bench, but the joke's on you. Crafty Canadians.

Note the off-color back.
Be glad they didn't convert stats to the dreaded metric system.

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Johnny Bench
Troisieme-But, Cincinnati Reds
1983 O-Pee-Chee #60

O-Pee-Chee Fact: Drilled Homer in win at Chicago, 4-27-82 / Bench cogna un circuit quand son club battit, le 27-4-82.
GMT Fact: Homer's ass was sore for 3 weeks and spent 15 days on the Disabled List.

Anatomy of an 80's Baseball Common

Ed Vande Berg's 1983 Topps card has everything a collector can ask for in a common card of the 1980's.

Dip can prominently displayed in back pocket...[CHECK]

Mesh spring training cap before JT brought sexy back...[CHECK]

Obligatory wispy mustache and unkempt longish hair...[CHECK]

Forgetable name...[CHECK]

Ed Vande Berg
1982 Topps #183
Pitcher, Seattle Mariners

Topps Fact: Notched save in 4-3 win at Baltimore, 5-4-82.
GMT Fact: Repeatedly harassed Topps headquarters for assurance "Vande Berg" was in fact printed as two words to point Topps almost pulled the card from the set entirely.

About Our Banner

The cards featured in our banner were (amazingly in our eyes) all pulled from the same foot-long box of trading cards. In addition to learning that the 1987 Donruss set featured the ugliest set of portraits ever shot, the box was also the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back in starting this site.

About the lucky banner models...

LaMarr Hoyt
Pitcher, San Diego Padres
1987 Topps #275

Topps Fact: LaMarr's father Dewey, once pitched in the minors.
GMT Fact: Hoytt looks like a mustachioed Buddy Hackett. Is a white guy named "LaMarr."


Danny Frisella
Pitcher, Atlanta Braves
1974 Topps #71

Topps Fact: Learned to throw fork ball from Deigo Segui in Venezuelan Loop.
GMT Fact: Once made me a large pie at Papa's Pizza in Trenton; could be a Mario Bro.



Roy Smalley
Infielder, Minnesota Twins
1987 Donruss #443

Donruss Fact: Set Yankee club record for most HR by a SS (20) in '82.
GMT Fact: Looks functionally retarded. Resembles Wal-Mart greater.

John Candaleria
Pitcher, Pittsburgh Pirates
1983 Topps #755

Topps Fact: July 2, 1982: Scored 2 runs with RBI in win vs. Expos.
GMT Fact: Is a Mexican ninja. Sang back-up for the Commodores.


Jerry Remy
Second Base, Boston Red Sox
1985 Topps #761

Topps Fact: Jerry was All-League pick at Somerset (Mass.) High School twice at shortstop as prep player.
GMT Fact: Remy blames game 6 on Calvin Shiraldi.


Ron Washington
Infielder, Cleveland Indians
1989 Donruss #468

Donruss Fact: Got a new lease on life as an Indian in '88, taking over as their regular SS two months into the season.
GMT Fact: Got a new lease on life pushing a shopping cart collecting cans.